Hello, it’s called ‘manners’

And ‘common sense’, ‘discrepancy’, ‘not being a fucktard’.

An hour ago I was super pissed but now I am not so pissed anymore. So this blog entry had the potential to be a lot funnier but I missed the boat. So instead of ultra-super-saiyan entertaining it’s gonna be just ultra-entertaining.

Why I was so super pissed was because of this scenario during dinner:

AUNT: Oh, guess what.

ME: What?

A: Everyone was talking about it today.

M: Huh?

A: At your work, I went down and everyone was talking about Sunday night.

M: What??

A: Yeah, *** was asking me why you didn’t invite them.

M: What???

A: In a jokey way. Calm down.

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So super pissed lor! So what happened Sunday that I had a small group of my work friends over for dinner. Five of us. I made some Korean bbq and it was a great time.

Thing is, I’d only invited the four people I chill with outside of work.

Come Tuesday morning (today), someone had told someone else at work that ‘oh, had a great time at Alex’s house etc’ and now everybody knows that I had this thing at my house and others weren’t invited.

Okay, before I start complaining, I’m gonna show you the reasons why this is NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL and why I should NOT BE SO ANGRY. To show you that I have the balance picture of things and I’m not being irrational about something not worth being angry about.

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• There are already a select group of people who hang out outside work and everyone else knows they hang out, so it’s no big deal. It’s simply because they are friends, not because they are excluding others
• We are all professionals at work, we are not in some high school clique situation

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My point is, one gives a fuck about who hangs out with whom, who went out with so-and-so last night and didn’t include others… because really, who the fuck cares???? WE ARE THERE TO MAKE MONEY FIRST AND MAKE FRIENDS SECOND.

But you know what? Let me now show you why I SHOULD be angry, and why this is putting ME in an uncomfortable situation.

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• Because going out to a bar together and going to someone’s house for dinner are two completely different things. Bar is Come One Come All but house is a lot more Invited
• Therefore, I am excluding people
• The excluded people are gonna come to me and demand to know why (YES, YES, IN A JOKEY WAY I KNOW, AND AT THE HEART OF IT NO ONE GIVES A DAMN) they weren’t invited
• I will have to cough and fake laugh and tell them that they are more than welcome for the second round
• I will feel like shit ’cause I am damn sensitive EVEN IF THE WHOLE THING IS IN A JOKEY WAY AND NO ONE REALLY GIVES A SHIT

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For the record, I DID think of inviting everyone but it was going to be too much work for me. I am only a bumbling, foolish, and unaccomplished 21 year old, I am not good at hosting dinner parties yet (dammit where got turned so old yet still so unaccomplished fml). And I DID genuinely want to invite the person who talked to the aunt, but they are in a different position in both work and life than I, so I thought they would not want to come anyway.

Now I will have to go in to work and they will ask me, and I will say that I did want to invite them but didn’t because I thought they wouldn’t want to come anyway, and it will have the smell of bullshit wafting around it even if it was the ge-nu-wyne truth. I HATEHATEHATE telling the truth and it seems so much like a lie. I get so frustrated and I feel like running around and shouting “WHY CAN’T YOU JUST GO INTO MY BRAIN AND READ THE TRUTH OREDI I FEEL SO DABDABHAE ROARR” but I do that and people will feel I am overreacting and crazy, therefore more of a liar.

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KNN I feel this baby’s anger

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What happened to the days when people WOULDN’T talk about this or that event in front of everybody else?? Fuck it I am not even angry at whoever it was that told at my work, because SO MANY people do this nowadays. I remember, it was last year sometime — similar situation with SEVERAL groups of my friends. A group of four and three of us were invited to some party, one was not. Of course, idiot fucker decides to bring up the conversation of the party. Another group of three, and one decides to start gossip about someone who was at some function with us, while the third person wasn’t. Someone talking at me about this time they met with people that I am ALSO mutual friends with, which I was most definitely NOT called out for.

What the fuck is it with people, got no one has discrepancy? No one is discreet? Do you seriously NEED to talk about that event RIGHT NOW, when there is a third person here??

Why can they not keep their fucking mouth shut because it may, you know, HURT THE OTHER’S PERSON’S FEELINGS???

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Okay maybe I am not the person to lecture about discrepancy, after all I am making a public blog and hollering about things when people would rather not listen to the latest thing that’s pissed me off…

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But still. I do not go around telling this or that person that your mutual friend and I did this thing together which we didn’t invite you to. I find it FUCKING rude and I HATE being that third person. You feel so damn awkward while the other bitches are yakking away about and if you can’t slink away, you have to stand there listening to them talk, while they don’t even acknowledge you for that time being.

Then the talk about that exclusive event ends, and conversation once again swells out to include you, poor little sucker whom no one invites. Then you stumble back into the conversation, and god forbid you make a little dig about the event that’s happening to you. Because you will only get one of two reactions. Both of which are EXCRUCIATINGLY EMBARRASSING:

“Ohmigod, actually, you should come too. You should definitely come, I’m sure they just forgot you on the guestlist.”

OR

“Oh… um… well, I mean, only a certain number of people can come, and you don’t know the others that well, and like… sorry…. [awkward silence]“

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What the fuck man. The first reaction makes you into a self-invited loser and the second is rejecting you outright. Both are tragic.

This scenario could be avoided most times if people just used their head and respected COMMON FUCKING COURTESY, by not talking about events that a third person is excluded from.

I don’t remember people being like this. Seriously, it’s a trend, it’s a bloody trend. It can’t be that people are just getting more and more STUPID and SENSELESS as the years go by, is it? I think I will blame it at least partially on our internet age, on facebook, on twitter, on all those media sharing sites. People are now so used to sharing all their information with people, all the pictures go online for everyone to see, talking about this or that event is so out in the open now. So people are now talking about everything and fuck it if other people didn’t know. People don’t know how to be discreet anymore.

No it can’t be just facebook and the like, people are also getting damn stupid and insensitive these days as well. It’s an epidemic.

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Now, it may seem like I am just a whiny bitch who is sour grapes about not being well-liked enough to be invited, boo hoo. Let me break it down.

I am NOT saying that everyone should invite each other. I am just asking for people to have a little COMMON SENSE, and to judge differences between events where a third person wouldn’t care about being excluded from, and where a third person would care about being excluded from.

If you and I had a mutual friend and you two went out together without telling me, I wouldn’t mind. But if you guys had a party with others and they all were also mutual friends, I will be hurt. See the difference in situation there?

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Maybe I am the only one taking this shit seriously and I am a sensitive twit with my head stuck up my ass. I don’t know, perhaps you hip people think it is loser to get angry about something so trivial. But I think this is basic, universal manners. And far too little people have manners these days.

Bad Proportions, Creeps, Art Snobs

I feel slightly uncomfortable about posting this but I thought again and… Well. It’s no big deal. Roarr.

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There is nothing interesting happening in my life. I’ve got two assignments plus a midterm due in a few days which I’ve barely started on. I still haven’t finished writing for TMO and my cousin is gonna kill me. I have to take a shower but I’m too lazy. Omg… Am I pissing you off yet, ’cause I am getting pissed with myself for being such a lousy and unmotivated bummer individual.

Okay after I finish writing this I’m gonna watch that YouTube link again (see two posts below) and proffer up my unmotivated ass to get working.

Anyways I am not writing to tell you how boring my life is, but am writing to show you the atrociousness of this picture:

Okay it is nasty… And not because it’s a half-naked anime chick. I don’t care about half-naked anime girls. She is nasty because:

– she has tri-coloured hair that is sticking up in the WORST clumps ever

– her boobs are rocks and are placed in like the middle of her chest.

What got? Why flat chest then boobs suddenly jut out like two giant boulders?? No curves leading out to it or anything just stick out suddenly?

Kinda like Maggie Gyllenhaal’s.

This is why anime lovers are viewed as freaks and closet pervs by the rest of society, because so many pics like this float around forums and such and get publicized.

The closet perv image is even more compounded when Japanese people go around doing things like Hokusai’s fisherman’s wife with, erm, unusual taste, playing anime dating sims, and marrying blow-up dolls, like Lars and the Real Girl. Also ’cause a lot of pervs masturbate to anime. Which is not a crime on its own because people get turned on by anything and everything, and rather you get turned on by fake anime people than dead real people, or frolicking hyenas. But these anime masturbators are usually dweeb-y guys who can’t get any girls IRL and act like socially retarded creeps. Hence the stereotype and stigma.

While on my exchange in Seoul one of the people I met was talking about how he caught his roommate wanking to anime. And the roomie is like dead fit to the dweeb, weird, stereotypical nerdy dude, the type you accuse of wanking to anime. Uck.

So this is why anime gets such a bad rep.

Also why snobby art types demean anime as not ‘art’. There was this big argument on deviantART some years ago about whether anime is or isn’t art and the ‘is’ prevailed, obviously. Because it is. I can’t remember the reasons the ‘isn’t’ people kept bitching about but one of them was complaints against the pervy dweeb types and how anime is just fodder for the masturbating losers.

Which doesn’t make sense because what do creep fanboys have anything to do with what or what isn’t art… How do you know no one gets off of Dali? Raphael? Picasso? Michelangelo? Stone-age cave painters? All have nekkid people no? In fact I bet some of these artists would be damn right insulted if people didn’t find their work arousing.

The first female nude statue the Ancient Greeks made… Aphrodite of Knidos? By Praxi-something. They had to section it off after it’s presentation because so many Ancient Greek males were sneaking up to it and leaving stains behind.

You cannot say that’s not art because people are getting wantonly excited about it anymore, can you? Can you????

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My only point in writing this entire post was just to point out how oddly situated the anime girl’s boobs are lol.

This sorta makes me look like a perv as well. Which is why I will not publicize this to Facebook… But Twitter is linked… So some people will read it and others will stumble on this sooner or later anyways. So I might as well publicize anyway instead of keeping mum like I am embarrassed? Shit.

Don’t really know what’s going on in my head anymore lol. I’mma go off now and eat dinner. Mmmmm the smell of bulgogi…

Today Sucks

There were so many crazy people downtown today. In fact, today evening blew big time ’cause of these crazy bastards.

I met my 베푸 friend whom I call Hem or Hemhem when I am trying to be cute. Well she called me cause she was bummed out over the sucktastic that is life, so I said the only thing I could say in that situation:

“Let’s have a drink.”

So off we go to Red Room, renowned for cheap food and cheap drinks and cheap atmosphere. Awesome. On our way there we witnessed the first wave of crazy.

First, we saw a really ugly girl — and while that is supposed to make you feel better (“Hey at least I’m better-looking than that girl,”) it just made us depressed. Dunno why leh, just really fugly with horrible clothes. V. depressing sight.

We were crossing the intersection at Spadina and College and saw this guy like dancing while crossing. Weird, arm-wavy dancing that people do when they’re a) drunk, or b) really bad at dancing. I was like ‘wtf is he doing’ then realized he had mental problems. So I felt bad for thinking him a freak. But of course, everyone was looking and some jerk was even filming him on his phone. The jerk was crossing to the other side of us so passed us, and I’m sure our dumbfounded expressions were caught on video. Fabulous.

We finished crossing and watched the guy dance out of sight…

Have I mentioned how annoying typing on phone touchpad is for anything longer than a long text message? Grr.

We made it to Red Room and was served by a truly awkward waiter, making me very uncomfortable indeed. The pad thai was recommended so we had the shrimp one, and then it came with about four shrimps and mountains of onions. Grr.

We were chatting and so forth and talk turned towards our respective singledom. Okay if you want to depress me start talking about being single and I will get depressed.

There is this girl who used to write on Facebook status all the time, stuff like “I need a boyfriend”, “I’m lonely and miss kissing” and other ludicrous bullshit you don’t write as your status. Well I mercilessly flayed her not even behind her back (gossiping and such), writing her off as too desperate, too loser.

It’s kind of sad but now I think I kinda understand what she was feeling. Goddamn.

Good for her she got a boyfriend before too long, and I heard she is happy with him. Also he helps her out with her homework, to the intense jealousy of others.

Anyways, here I was meeting my friend to cheer her up, and here I was instead getting bummed out right.

Staggered out of the bar and walked towards Spadina and Dundas. It was during this stretch that we were knocked over with this disgusting smell, like cooked garbage. And it didn’t just flow past us but kept, like, smelling. We just kept walking, not knowing where the smell was, trying to walk past it, but it wouldn’t leave us.

You know how much I HATE BO and other nasty street smells right???

Walked on and on until the world smelled right again. Then we discovered that all the stores we were going to were closed already. So we made our way to the streetcar to go to Dundas square area.

I was talking about the metropass, and how I always wave it while covering the ‘S’ because I never bothered making that dumb student ID card for the TTC. If they don’t see the giant ‘S’ then they would be less inclined to ask me to show them the whole thing and the ID.

Then Hem asked me why I had an ‘S’ while it should be ‘P’, for ‘Post-secondary’. I bought the wrong one.

Actually this isn’t really that suck because it makes little difference, if I get caught without ID it’s same penalty for ‘S’ and ‘P’. Same cost, same penalties, nothing worse really. This is just an example of my airheadedness.

Made it to Dundas square and littered around the stores, then walked up towards College station. Finally, the worst part of the evening struck.

This hobo-ish black guy came up to us and started hitting on us, you know, in that sleazy way. “Hey Asian girls blahblah suck my cock”. Obviously the only thing you can do is ignore. Worse thing is this guy was walking with us, not just lounging around on the street.

Well, ignoring him pissed him off alright, so he started railing against us, yelling “You Asian bitches come to this country can’t even speak English”, other shit along those lines. I couldn’t take it anymore so I said very loudly, “WE’RE NOT INTERESTED [and my English is better than yours, dumbfuck]” but that just pissed him off more. Here, I’ll transcribe some of the shit he was saying.

“You fucking Asians, come here don’t even speak English, fucking ruining the country. Ruin the economy. I hate Chinatown, it smells like shit and filled with you bitches. Think you’re too good for niggers, fucking hate Asians, tomorrow I’m gonna go out and tell twenty-year-olds to kill all you Asians, next time I see you with your boyfriend I’m gonna beat him up.”

Gee, asshole, thanks for reminding me again that I have no boyfriend.

This crazy motherfucker was walking in front of us and yelling at us while we were comparing phone apps and twittering about the best comics on naver webtoons. Worse, he started talking to this group of white guys just hanging around, pointing at us and repeating all the similar shit above. The stupidass white guys were guffawing and ‘hahahaha’, braying like fucking donkeys.

We turned on College and the crazy guy walked further north on Yonge, still yelling obscenities and how he hates Asians.

Ruin the economy is it? I pay the government. I go to school and pay the obscene tuition fees. I probably earn and spend a hell of a lot more money than this loser thugging around the streets. Ruin the fucking economy, I probably support your goddamn broke ass when you go in for welfare checks and leech off other people’s taxes.

I’m not gonna bother talking more about him because he is crazy. But next time you see a douchebag spouting nonsense like hating Asians, it’s probably him so feel free to go over and punch his fucking lights out.

We got inside College station and found crowds of people due to subway delays. Finally made it to Yonge, and my friend started running cause her westbound train was about to leave, while I casually walked behind her giggling at her misfortune. Then she came to a stop and said ‘Look, that’s yours’ and I saw the “Eastbound to Kennedy” sign just as the doors closed mockingly shut.

Now I’m home and I’m feeling pretty pissed off. Today sucked.

Giving the Thanks

A brief entry because it’s been about two weeks since the last one. Oops.

Since it is after all Thanksgiving Day, or night now, I wanted to write down things I am thankful for and write down some goals for the next couple of months. Goals by Christmas, I guess. Then comes New Years where I can write a whole new set of resolutions that I 99.9% won’t keep yay!

Also October 10 is a spectacularly awesome day and I will tell you why later.

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Things I am Thankful for In My Life that I Take for Granted Sometimes While It’s Really Not Sorta

• My family… My blunt, proud, critical, vain, zero-modesty family.
• The self-obsessed hoes who make up my dearest circle of friends.
• The fact that I got my part-time back so easily… but that’s because I am damn good, obviously.
• How sometimes people say I go overboard when I bitch, but most of it is entertaining. Not everyone can whine and have others laughing, okay. It’s called talent.
• My smoothy smooth skin that got all nasty pimply on me while in Korea… is coming back to smoothy smooth thank GOD.
• Gomo who has access to the world’s best skincare so I can get back the smoothy smooth skin. Otherwise I’d be stuck with the crater-like zit shit scattered across the visage, le horror.
• Learnt about section-magic perm so don’t need to get my entire head straightened, spending four hours and $150+ bucks at a time.
• That my Lukie is actually cute and sweet and is a v. charming boy so I can brag about him and it’s all justified. Not like other people having to hype up their baby cousins ’cause they actually suck.
• Looking forward to Europe next summer, which is SO spectacularly exciting.
• Looking forward to life in general. How I am able to dream about a future, able to dream about good things to come…

Many more but this list would become never-ending and I need to get some sleep, because I Love Sleep. Speaking of sleep y’all should watch THIS because it is ASS-KICKING AND FREAKING INSPIRATIONAL OMG.

No seriously, watch it because it’s REALLY GOOD.

 

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Damn I should be staying up all night and running a marathon while completing all my assignments, saving the llamas while I’m at it — but I will sleep for just this one night and then I’ll start getting up at the crack of dawn and doing productive stuffs. Yeah.

Actually, the only one goal that I have until the end of the year (which carries on for like the rest of my life actually) is the big one, the one that covers most everything else, which is:

Sleep Less and Do More.

Okay, tomorrow, I promise.

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And the reason why today is doubly exciting is because… October 10th is…

Naruto’s Birthday!!!

So technically Naruto is still a sixteen-year-old brat in Kishimotoworld but I did teh maths for real life.

Naruto (pt. 1) serialization began in 1999, and he was twelve, so in 2011 he should be 23 in real life. But that’s old and gross, so let’s make that younger.

Naruto Shippuuden (pt. 2) began in 2005, and he is sixteen there, so in 2011 he should be 22. Better. But you know, twenties… ehh.

So for the sake of keeping things at the Teenage Dream level I’d like to keep him sixteen, and so would Masashi Kishimoto, which is why, a million chapters later, he is still sixteen — until the next time-jump when he will become old and hokage woohoo.

• add Masashi Kishimoto and his most famous work into the list of things I’m thankful for. Omg I’ve spent over a quarter of my life following this series o_o

To honour everyone’s fave clutzy ninja, I put together a compilation of the LAMEST NARUTO-THEMED BIRTHDAY CAKES SCURRYING ‘ROUND THE INTERNET UNIVERSE.

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Wtf is up with all the deformities, man? Cannot handle two things, making the cake themed AND nice? I love Naruto even more than the next otaku but bring this to my birthday and I’ll throw a kunai into your gut. Thanks.

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This Rock Lee one is kinda hilarious though. Happy Thanksgiving!

FML Breeds Atrocity

Quick little post. Atrocity I found on FML.com.

I was flicking through some comments left in response to some FMLs and a couple of them had me reeling in disgust.

Behold:

Notice comment number three, from Mr. Greenman – “PREGGO THREESOMES ARE HOT“.

This girlfriend was presumably distraught (if this is real of course) and everyone else is appropriately sympathetic or leaving funny comments on how exactly she should get her revenge — and here is this nobody prick spewing unfunny shit that no one cares to read. “Preggo threesomes are hot”.

First of all they are NOT hot no matter what some asshole with a dumbshit fetish would tell you. Second of all, Greenman, you look like this:

“Hi, I’m ugly and I love me some preggo threesomes.”

Sorry buddy, but you don’t appear to be much of a ladies’ man and I’m afraid the preggo threesomes you like so much will prefer to carry themselves without you, ugly old fart. I think I wouldn’t be as insulted by this comment if he wasn’t as fugly. Fugly people saying gross things, is really gross.

You’d think that people would be cautious by now, and wouldn’t leave dumb comments with a (fugly) picture attached, leaving them free and open for any Internet bitch to chance upon and attack but… People are stupid. Like Greenman.

And it seems others agree:

(I went back to it after I noticed the number of replies it had, hence time difference… Ughhh sleep.)

I’ve had it up to here with idiots leaving stupidass, sexually-charged comments around forums and such, just because the Internet cloaks them into anonymity (except for this dumb old fuck). Strip it away and 90% of these assholes wouldn’t have the courage to say the things they spew around the Internet. Sometimes, it’s funny. Sometimes, it’s appropriate (like if some ho snaps a cleavage shot and posts it online — obv. wants the inevitable reactions from guys).

But Greenman? Not relevant, not appropriate, certainly not funny. Yet another double-chinned, balding old loser trolling around the Internet with nothing good to say.

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I found this other gem. Saw this normal comment I would have passed over, if not for her picture. It was so intriguingly annoying that it led me to her profile.

And I was not disappointed alright.

Amongst other things, I believe the “classy &&nvr trashy” line presents it’s own irony.

Ahh, to be 16 again. Carefree and clueless.

#1 Reason to Get Yourself an iPhone

DISCLAIMER: The.iWhale does not belong to me… but omg I just coined that awesome name so the name belongs to me. I’m so awesome.

 

The smallest things amuse me and they amuse me a lot.

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Whales, who can resist whales??

We are easily amused girls.

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In fact, I was so amused that I had to spread the joy.

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Hahahahahahaha damn right it’s 대박

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Cannot keep this nugget of joy to myself, must bother overseas people with it.

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The kakao whale is kinda failwhale but whatever, still cute and cuddly one! Gwengwen hasn’t replied yet though grr. But damn I am one awesome texter. My whale owns. All of you should be clamoring to be my friend then I send you this whale as a stamp of my approval.

Only people with iPhones, obv., can get this nugget of joy from me so if you don’t have it… sorry, no text for you loser.

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And then I came home to this:

Where the rest of its fucking legs went, I have no idea.

These people deserve to get shot

There are some people that are in need of a couple bullets to the gut. And I’m not talking about murderers, rapists, pedophiles, sex offenders, or other psychos rotting in jails.

There are people wandering among us in society, people who really shouldn’t be out here. They traumatize us, they give us nightmares. They ruin our lives.

They are…

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People with B.O. using public transit

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I HATE people with B.O. riding the TTC. I hate people with B.O. period, but the TTC riders have a specially blackened place on my Deserves-Death list. I swear these turds are even more traumatizing than White Trash, ’cause at least them White Trash I can block out by sticking in earphones and closing my eyes. But I can’t bloody well plug my nose for a twenty-minute ride. They frazzle my nerves and throw my emotional state into this churning, lurching, splitting hell of a black hole. I feel perfectly calm one moment, just riding the TTC like any other day… then one whiff of a lumbering asshole and BAM! My head starts spinning and I am this close to going completely apeshit, ’cause I am so damn pissed I gotta suffer through yet another beast who refuses to wipe his ass after he shits. This is when I need a Fred and George Weasley to supply me with dungbombs ’cause these fuckers most definitely deserve one shoved down their throat and another stuffed up their nostrils. Wait, scratch out the dungbombs because that will just make them smell worse. Instead, I’ll throw rosebombs, deodorantbombs, whatever, WHATEVER that will cause them physical pain (deserve for torturing me) and gets rid of their B.O.

I am currently retching as I write this, even thinking about these people grosses me out.

People can smell bad sometimes, I understand. I’m not saying I smell like strawberries and rainbow marshmallows 24/7. In fact, I bought new deodorant a few days ago precisely because I get sweaty armpits. Yeah don’t say I’m gross because I bet your armpits are worse. But I am sure that you, like me, also purchased deodorant to solve the problem. Because normal decent people like us realize that we may inadvertently torture someone with our armpit stink (also embarrassing – social suicide to hear “ew, your armpits fucking stink”) so we spend money to cover it up!

Today, I whiffed no less than FIVE different assholes with FIVE different varieties of B.O. FIVE! Three of them were in the streets so I could just scurry past, but two of the B.O.B.’s (Body Odour’d Bastards) were encountered in the confines of the subway car. It’s already bad enough have to go to class by 11 AM on only four hours of sleep, and realizing it is rush hour so there are no damn seats and hardly any standing room. But adding a B.O.B on top of that??? If I get sent to jail for maiming someone on the subway, then you know why I did it.

Do you know how horrible it is to be in a packed car, then suddenly have this disgustingly familiar scent swamp over you when you are least expecting it? It’s like a mixture of rotten stuff and more rotten stuff, layered over with the godawful smell of STALE URINE (made this yellow but it’s damn hard to read on white bg, plus stale urine… brown. Fuck that’s gross imagery). When this happens, I proceed to projectile-vomit immediately then look over with disgust, and sure enough, it is another gross bastard with oily, dandruff-y hair and stained clothes.

Hey Mr. Gross Bastard, do you not understand the concept of SHOWERS? The word HYGIENE ring a bell to you? How about SOAP? SHAMPOO???

Obviously he wouldn’t know what deodorant or bodyspray is so not even gonna ask.

You know what’s really weird though? When I smell B.O., I immediately walk to a different part of the subway, but no one else moves! Even the people sitting or standing right next to the B.O.B.! Can these people not SMELL IT? I don’t get it! Surely it is not just me with a working nose attached to my face? Are they not moving because they really don’t smell it, or are they just able to ignore it? HOW??? Smell is so godawful that in addition to projectile vomit, it gives bad headaches and nausea. Also what if you are standing near too long that YOU also become infused with that smell??? Blergh.

Before, I was grossed out but was hesitant to move away because of the lack of reaction around me… and because I felt that the smelly bastard would know that I moved because they stink, and get embarrassed. HOW NICE WAS I, DAMMIT?? I didn’t want to hurt the smelly bastard’s feelings! And so the smelly bastard happily sat away while I got tortured for nothing!!

Thank God I’ve wisened up and now, if anyone with any sort of B.O. remotely enters my range of smell, I give pointed glares and move the hell away. The only thing I worry about in that situation is if B.O.B. takes offense then comes over and yells at me, even worse, touches me (OMG PUKE). Don’t give a shit about the fucker getting hurt feelings because they fucking deserve it. Don’t want people to move away from you, I suggest you rendezvous to the nearest shower – or better yet, crawl back into your hole in the wall and never come out again. What makes me so infuriated is that the B.O.B. most likely has the full capacity to keep him/herself clean, yet refuses to do so. It causes unnecessary pain and trauma for others, all because of one selfish bastard’s gross decision to keep themselves dirty.

What is the point of living in a first-world country like Canada if you are not even gonna take advantage of what it offers? How many people in the world even have access to filtered running water and rooms specifically designated to flush your shit away and cleanse yourself? I’ve smelt better-smelling hobos, and lord knows they have to put a whole lot more bloody effort to keep fresh. If a damn hobo can keep themselves clean, surely a person with a house and a bathroom can do better?

Can I, like, petition the mayor (who is he anyways, I lost track after Mel Lastman oh yeah it is the guy everyone hates, Rob Ford) to keep stinky people off the subway? If amusement parks can ban people from lifting their armpits, surely this is not asking for much? My goal is that smell detectors are set up at the entrance and if you have B.O. – an alarm will go off and a net will come down and trap you. It will transport you over to the Toronto Zoo where you’ll be used as a snack for the lions. Fuck that even lions won’t eat, smell too much. I give you over to the hyenas.

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